dasheroy_muffins

So I signed up to be in a lyrical-style dance for a performance at my school. The guy directing and choreographing the dance performed a bit for us, and it was just so pretty and so my style of lyrical that I had to join, even though I actually don't really have any time. But I realized afterwards, once he sent us a link to the song so we could think about what it means to us, that it's a song called Almost Lover. 

Hm.

I dunno, I feel like a few weeks ago, this would have been the absolute perfect thing for me to pour all my emotions and teen angst into, but currently I'm not feeling too much of those. I think I've sort of broken the dam, so to speak, and all the stuff I've been feeling has finally ebbed away for the most part. But the song is still pretty fitting, and I'm really excited about doing it.

 My grandparents came to visit today. They live in AZ, so I don't see them much. So we talked in the car on the ride home from the airport, about how college is going, and how I was doing, and my new haircut, and whether I'd lost weight (awkward grandparent conversational topics, you know the ones).

Eventually the conversation turned to politics in my state, because my grandparents used to live here and they were curious how our new governor was doing (spoiler alert: he's shitty). But in the middle of this, my grandpa says, "Let's talk about the most important thing!" And he turns to me. "Does my granddaughter have a boyfriend yet?"

Ouch.

So I say, "No. I tried, but it didn't pan out." Which was apparently super funny to them, I dunno, but then I think they felt bad so they started talking about how freshman college boys are dumb anyway, and I wasn't missing anything. So I say, "I'm trying for a girlfriend right now, though." Because it's true, I am looking to date a girl; but this was the first time I'd ever told them I liked girls. 

So there's a bit of an awkward silence- surprisingly short, though!- and my grandpa starts talking about "You look so good now, you're turning out to be a beautiful young woman," which I think was supposed to comfort me since I was apparently so sad and let-down about not getting that boyfriend that I was turning to girls out of desperation. Meanwhile, my grandma asks me, "So have you decided you're gay now, or what?"

I said, "I'm bi."

She nods, pauses, then says, "You sure about that? Because some people go through a phase where..."

"No, Grandma, I'm sure. I've always been bi, I just never really acknowledged or thought about it."

So she's quiet for a moment. Then she comes right back with, "You know, I always suspected you might be. Your mom and I were talking once and-" Now, my mom knows I'm bi, but I doubt she told my grandma. So I'm somewhat at a loss as to the topic of that particular discussion they had. Even ignoring that, though, it was amusing. Although apparently my dad and grandpa didn't think so, because my dad jumped all over my grandma's sentence with "HOW 'BOUT THEM YANKEES?" and he had my grandpa started a very loud and pointed argument about baseball or something.

So I'm like, "Uh... why did you think I liked girls, Grandma?" And she's all, "Well, you just told me you did!" 

"No, Grandma, I mean why did you think I liked girls before I told you?"

"Well, based on the guys you dated..."

"The one guy I dated?"

"Well, you were with him for such a long time, and then you broke up with him. One of the handsomest young men in your class!"

"We didn't break up because I liked girls, Grandma, we broke up because we didn't fit!" I didn't even know I liked girls at the time.

"Well, yes, but-"

At this point, my grandpa and dad got fed up, and sort of yelled at her for prying. Which, I mean, she usually does, so it makes sense that they would assume it was the case here, even though it was mostly me asking why she said it.

Somehow I'd forgotten that my grandparents were insane. And I'm actually kind of more insulted by my grandpa asking if I had a boyfriend yet, like it was super essential that I get one soon (it was "the most important thing" to talk about, after all). Not to mention it was sort of like being kicked in the shins, considering how badly the whole boyfriend-getting process turned out. 

 So I was productive today.

I went to class (which was actually the only place I wasn't productive, since I was bored out of my gourd for both classes and spent them drawing instead), then squeezed in some Fullmetal Alchemist with my friend Ian... And then I decided to come home and clean, for whatever reason, so my side of the room/my desk is clean for the first time in... wow, probably about two months.

( and here's all the whiny parts of my day, cut for your convenience )

This year has been weird.
( during 2010 I did a lot of things )
Progress is being made. This has been a hard year, but things are looking up.

 My Fundamentals of Acting class had a performance today... it wasn't huge, it was just all of us (and some members of another Fundies class) doing our scenes... there were a LOT of audience members, though. Way more than I'd expected. 

And everyone was fabulous. I mean, everyone in my class was better than I'd ever seen them. My partner and I really clicked, too. It was amazing.

I may actually try to do more acting now. I love it. Even the nervousness beforehand.


....Holy shit, is this two happy posts in a row? What's going on here?

Now for more random gifs just to slow down your computer!



EDIT: Been playing L4D2 for a few hours... got literally 10 seconds away from the chopper in Dark Carnival when I got grabbed by a Smoker with everyone else down. OTL Doesn't mean it wasn't excellent, though.

( THINGS I'VE LEARNED NOT TO DO IN L4D(2) )

 So I registered for my winter quarter classes... I only got half the ones I wanted, and had to settle for second and third choices for the other two, but whatever. At least the replacements look reasonably interesting. I'm taking dance choreography, American Music, a class on fantasy and magical realism in fiction, and Chemistry (which is the one I got preregistered into, and the one I really don't want to take).

My roommate and I are rewatching Supernatural season 3... I'd forgotten that early Supernatural is basically all creepy little kids, all the time. And it's also pre-brunette!Ruby and pre-evil bitch!Sam. So it's kind of nostalgic, in a weird way.

I got a rejection letter from Owl City's people... my disappointment is somewhat balanced by the fact that I'd expected to be turned down. At least they were very friendly about it.

I miss high school way more than seems normal.

I wish I had zoology friends at my school. You know, someone I can talk to about my weird animal trivia who won't be bored to tears by it. I haven't met anyone like that at my school.

I went home on Homecoming weekend rather than sticking around. I was a little disappointed because I thought there might have been a dance I missed; but now that I've gotten back, I'm glad I left. I guess all that happened was a lot of partying, and I don't do that.

I have the school part of college down. It's the making-friends not-being-socially-awkward part that I don't get.

I'm running out of bubble wrap and that is very sad.

I'm immensely excited about Halloween this year. I don't even know why. I just love the season- costumes, pumpkins, corn mazes, even haunted houses (although they terrify me to ridiculous amounts). Sadly, I'm pretty sure it's a bad idea to keep a jack-o-lantern in a dorm room, even without the candle; and I've heard college kids don't tend to dress up for Halloween (which is retarded. Who the fuck doesn't like to dress up for Halloween?).

I think I might try not to visit home too often, because coming back to school afterward was awful.

I really don't like my Theatre group. Luckily the rest of the class seems okay, but...

My Creativity class never fails to make me feel better, even if I walk into class feeling like complete shit and just don't want to be there.

I think watching Supernatural Season 4 until one in the morning last night contributed to my general pissiness this morning. Not because I was up too late, but because that show is so depressing at times that it seeps into the rest of my life. I miss when the boys were less angsty.

 Since I always tend to use this lj for bitchin', I figure I might as well use it for something normal and cheerful this time around.
...Not necessarily interesting,  mind you, but still more cheerful.

( rants about supernatural )

anyway...

( ranting about Ocarina of Time, FFX and X-2, and Portal )

Now for the actually important part: real life!

I'm heading off to college in mid-September. It's a little surreal, thinking about how this place is soon going to be my parents' house, not mine. This room won't really be mine, exactly. It'll just be a room I stay in every so often, that happens to have a lot of my stuff in it. It used to terrify me; I feel like it still would, if I could make myself stop and think about it. But I'm good at ignoring things. There was a defense mechanism for that, making yourself forget things you don't want to think about... we learned about it in psych. It's not repression... wish I could remember the word.

But anyway, I'm for sure rooming with my best friend Miranda; in the dorm building we wanted, no less. We  start later than almost all of my other friends. We haven't even had orientation yet. It's going to be so weird, knowing all our friends are already away at school but us.

In the meantime, I'm trying to regain all the drawing skills I seem to have lost since the end of the school year. For about the last month of high school, I was too tired and stressed and busy to draw; and now that I've finally started drawing again, it looks like I've regressed to the skill set I had in ninth grade. It's enormously frustrating. I know if I work at it constantly, I can get it back to where it was; but it's hard to keep going when everything you see on the page looks like crap. My writing's suffered even more, since I haven't actually written anything good since- wow, March. And that was Phoenix Wright fanfiction.

Ah, well. At least I have something to work on this year, besides classes. I'm taking a first-year seminar on creativity, an evolutionary bio and genetics class with lab, and an intro theatre class (not that I'm actually any good at acting, but I'd like to be, and that's what 100-level classes are for, right?). I'm actually starting to get excited... and that's a big deal, for me.