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dasheroy_muffinsPosting Under the Influence. Although the only influence I'm under right now is that of depressing music.
I should just never listen to The Scientist by Coldplay. It never ends well.
So I decided recently (while visiting a nightclub in Peru, actually, which is a long story in itself) that I'm kind of lonely.
I have absolutely no right to complain about this, mind you. I broke up with my first and only boyfriend because there really was no future in that relationship, and now I think we're both happier. We're still friends, at least, which is more than I ever expected. And he's dating someone new, which doesn't actually hurt at all.
But, dancing in that club, to music that's way too old to be "cool" but which passed as such, surrounded by people who were dancing with people they knew and people they loved (or people they had sex with, I suppose), I realized I really want that with someone. Maybe tomorrow, maybe someday, but... I want it.
Maybe it's partly because dancing is pretty much coded into my DNA, and none of the boys I know are willing to even TRY to dance. I know that's at least part of it; it's a bigger part than it logically should be.
It's not just the dancing, either. It... hmm. Maybe it's less than I dislike things about other people, and more that I dislike things about myself, or that I want something out of life that I can't get.
Yay for making no sense! Hooray.
I guess I can just tl;dr that whole damn thing with "Sometime Around Midnight means something new to me now, and that combined with Peru combined with a thousand tiny things makes me want something desperately, but I'm not sure what exactly."
Also, to anyone who read any/all of this: I'm so sorry. D: Um, th-thanks?
I should just never listen to The Scientist by Coldplay. It never ends well.
So I decided recently (while visiting a nightclub in Peru, actually, which is a long story in itself) that I'm kind of lonely.
I have absolutely no right to complain about this, mind you. I broke up with my first and only boyfriend because there really was no future in that relationship, and now I think we're both happier. We're still friends, at least, which is more than I ever expected. And he's dating someone new, which doesn't actually hurt at all.
But, dancing in that club, to music that's way too old to be "cool" but which passed as such, surrounded by people who were dancing with people they knew and people they loved (or people they had sex with, I suppose), I realized I really want that with someone. Maybe tomorrow, maybe someday, but... I want it.
Maybe it's partly because dancing is pretty much coded into my DNA, and none of the boys I know are willing to even TRY to dance. I know that's at least part of it; it's a bigger part than it logically should be.
It's not just the dancing, either. It... hmm. Maybe it's less than I dislike things about other people, and more that I dislike things about myself, or that I want something out of life that I can't get.
Yay for making no sense! Hooray.
I guess I can just tl;dr that whole damn thing with "Sometime Around Midnight means something new to me now, and that combined with Peru combined with a thousand tiny things makes me want something desperately, but I'm not sure what exactly."
Also, to anyone who read any/all of this: I'm so sorry. D: Um, th-thanks?
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-01 04:06 am (UTC)I know it's not really supposed to be good to say this but....
I am feeling the same way. (except after that breakup, I am not happier, and I did hope for a future with that relationship, and it does hurt seeing her with someone else)
And it sucks ass.
Dancing.
At least you can dance.
<3
She was the only person I ever felt comfortable "dancing" with...
And you are making sense...
And I'm sorry too.
*HUGS* *LOTS AND LOTS OF HUGS*
I'm sure you'll find someone...hopefully even someone who will dance the night away with you =]
no subject
Date: 2009-09-01 04:11 am (UTC)Aaaaaargh... This is one of those times I wish I was either a gay dude or a lesbian. Those are the only ones that are willing to dance at dances or ANYWHERE.
Heh.
"I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go
And all their yucky yucky facial hair and all their machis'mo!
I wish I were a lesbian and not a hetero!"
That song was written by Rufus Wainwright's dad. Yeah, it's a real song.