dasheroy_muffins

 My grandparents came to visit today. They live in AZ, so I don't see them much. So we talked in the car on the ride home from the airport, about how college is going, and how I was doing, and my new haircut, and whether I'd lost weight (awkward grandparent conversational topics, you know the ones).

Eventually the conversation turned to politics in my state, because my grandparents used to live here and they were curious how our new governor was doing (spoiler alert: he's shitty). But in the middle of this, my grandpa says, "Let's talk about the most important thing!" And he turns to me. "Does my granddaughter have a boyfriend yet?"

Ouch.

So I say, "No. I tried, but it didn't pan out." Which was apparently super funny to them, I dunno, but then I think they felt bad so they started talking about how freshman college boys are dumb anyway, and I wasn't missing anything. So I say, "I'm trying for a girlfriend right now, though." Because it's true, I am looking to date a girl; but this was the first time I'd ever told them I liked girls. 

So there's a bit of an awkward silence- surprisingly short, though!- and my grandpa starts talking about "You look so good now, you're turning out to be a beautiful young woman," which I think was supposed to comfort me since I was apparently so sad and let-down about not getting that boyfriend that I was turning to girls out of desperation. Meanwhile, my grandma asks me, "So have you decided you're gay now, or what?"

I said, "I'm bi."

She nods, pauses, then says, "You sure about that? Because some people go through a phase where..."

"No, Grandma, I'm sure. I've always been bi, I just never really acknowledged or thought about it."

So she's quiet for a moment. Then she comes right back with, "You know, I always suspected you might be. Your mom and I were talking once and-" Now, my mom knows I'm bi, but I doubt she told my grandma. So I'm somewhat at a loss as to the topic of that particular discussion they had. Even ignoring that, though, it was amusing. Although apparently my dad and grandpa didn't think so, because my dad jumped all over my grandma's sentence with "HOW 'BOUT THEM YANKEES?" and he had my grandpa started a very loud and pointed argument about baseball or something.

So I'm like, "Uh... why did you think I liked girls, Grandma?" And she's all, "Well, you just told me you did!" 

"No, Grandma, I mean why did you think I liked girls before I told you?"

"Well, based on the guys you dated..."

"The one guy I dated?"

"Well, you were with him for such a long time, and then you broke up with him. One of the handsomest young men in your class!"

"We didn't break up because I liked girls, Grandma, we broke up because we didn't fit!" I didn't even know I liked girls at the time.

"Well, yes, but-"

At this point, my grandpa and dad got fed up, and sort of yelled at her for prying. Which, I mean, she usually does, so it makes sense that they would assume it was the case here, even though it was mostly me asking why she said it.

Somehow I'd forgotten that my grandparents were insane. And I'm actually kind of more insulted by my grandpa asking if I had a boyfriend yet, like it was super essential that I get one soon (it was "the most important thing" to talk about, after all). Not to mention it was sort of like being kicked in the shins, considering how badly the whole boyfriend-getting process turned out. 

So my grandpa's  in the hospital right now, for some issues he's having with his gallbladder. He's doing okay right now, but he's been in there for a week or more and they still don't know what to do. No one's decided for sure if he's staying for surgery, or if they're doing it in a few weeks; if he's going to a rehab center to get his balance back, or if he's going straight home; no one knows anything for sure. One doctor will come in and say he's getting the surgery tomorrow; an hour later the surgeon will arrive just to tell us that the surgery's off. They go back and forth countless times every day, and this has been going on for way too long.

My grandma doesn't like to drive, so my mom's been driving her to and from the hospital every day. She leaves early in the morning, and gets home really late. I haven't really seen her at all this week or last. If my grandpa goes straight home without the rehab, she's probably going to stay over there for a few days. It's taking so much out of her; and we were supposed to go camping at an SCA (society for creative anachronism) event this week. She was looking forward to it for weeks, months, and then it all went down the drain. I wan't too upset about missing it, but she was. And she's so worried and frustrated about my grandpa all the time... And she goes back to work in a few weeks.

My dad's been at work every weekday, like usual. He comes home late, too. And I can't go out without them. It's not that they take both cars; my mom's been taking my grandma's car, so her normal car is just sitting in the garage. But like an idiot, I didn't go out and get my full license when I could have, and no I have no opportunity to get it, or to drive. I'm eighteen, going to college, and I have a learner's permit. It's pathetic. 

So for the last few days, I've been sitting at home alone, doing nothing. I've been so bored that laundry is fun now. It's something to do, at least. I wish I could write or draw to pass the time... but I've still got a writer's block and an artist's block. I guess I just have to wait for the right inspiration, but in the meantime I'm going insane.

I miss school. It made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile. At the very least, it gave me things to do.