My grandparents came to visit today. They live in AZ, so I don't see them much. So we talked in the car on the ride home from the airport, about how college is going, and how I was doing, and my new haircut, and whether I'd lost weight (awkward grandparent conversational topics, you know the ones).
Eventually the conversation turned to politics in my state, because my grandparents used to live here and they were curious how our new governor was doing (spoiler alert: he's shitty). But in the middle of this, my grandpa says, "Let's talk about the most important thing!" And he turns to me. "Does my granddaughter have a boyfriend yet?"
So I say, "No. I tried, but it didn't pan out." Which was apparently super funny to them, I dunno, but then I think they felt bad so they started talking about how freshman college boys are dumb anyway, and I wasn't missing anything. So I say, "I'm trying for a girlfriend right now, though." Because it's true, I am looking to date a girl; but this was the first time I'd ever told them I liked girls.
So there's a bit of an awkward silence- surprisingly short, though!- and my grandpa starts talking about "You look so good now, you're turning out to be a beautiful young woman," which I think was supposed to comfort me since I was apparently so sad and let-down about not getting that boyfriend that I was turning to girls out of desperation. Meanwhile, my grandma asks me, "So have you decided you're gay now, or what?"
I said, "I'm bi."
She nods, pauses, then says, "You sure about that? Because some people go through a phase where..."
"No, Grandma, I'm sure. I've always been bi, I just never really acknowledged or thought about it."
So she's quiet for a moment. Then she comes right back with, "You know, I always suspected you might be. Your mom and I were talking once and-" Now, my mom knows I'm bi, but I doubt she told my grandma. So I'm somewhat at a loss as to the topic of that particular discussion they had. Even ignoring that, though, it was amusing. Although apparently my dad and grandpa didn't think so, because my dad jumped all over my grandma's sentence with "HOW 'BOUT THEM YANKEES?" and he had my grandpa started a very loud and pointed argument about baseball or something.
So I'm like, "Uh... why did you think I liked girls, Grandma?" And she's all, "Well, you just told me you did!"
"No, Grandma, I mean why did you think I liked girls before I told you?"
"Well, based on the guys you dated..."
"The one guy I dated?"
"Well, you were with him for such a long time, and then you broke up with him. One of the handsomest young men in your class!"
"We didn't break up because I liked girls, Grandma, we broke up because we didn't fit!" I didn't even know I liked girls at the time.
"Well, yes, but-"
At this point, my grandpa and dad got fed up, and sort of yelled at her for prying. Which, I mean, she usually does, so it makes sense that they would assume it was the case here, even though it was mostly me asking why she said it.
Somehow I'd forgotten that my grandparents were insane. And I'm actually kind of more insulted by my grandpa asking if I had a boyfriend yet, like it was super essential that I get one soon (it was "the most important thing" to talk about, after all). Not to mention it was sort of like being kicked in the shins, considering how badly the whole boyfriend-getting process turned out.